Only to Say I Love You
by JordanK330
Summary: Natsu and Lucy attend a party together only to realize the feeling that they both hold. What will happen when other relationships get in the way. NaLu, Gruvia, GaLe,
1. Chapter 1

Lucy Heartfilia sighed deeply as the hot water of her shower poured down on her. Her whole body was surprisingly sore after helping Mira and Lisanna clean up after the Guild's' annual New Year's Eve party.

I hummed to herself while I thought of the events that occurred at the party. Dancing with Natsu, only to learn that he doesn't have two left feet, laughing with the girls as we watched the guys argue about who was the best dancer, Walking with Natsu as he showed me a secluded corner where he would hide from the deadly attacks from Gray, Gajeel, and Jellal.

I had never had so much fun in my life, Fairytail was the best family I could ever have hoped for, even if an occasional chair was broken over someone's head every now and again.

The best part of the entire night was when Natsu pulled me back into that secluded corner while everyone was counting down, and while I was confused, he kissed me. Sweet and fast on the lips, then left me there breathless and having no idea what the hell had just happened. Now I had no idea where we were supposed to stand. Were we still friends? Was that a friendly kiss? Was it real? Are we _more_ than friends? I am so confused.

Stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel to wrap up in, I head out of the bathroom. My phone sits untouched on my bed next to my purse. Walking over to it, I grab it and am about to call Levy when I realize that she left the party with Gajeel. They might be doing some nocturnal activities that might not want to be interrupted.

I smile to myself, thinking about all the different couples that left together. Gray and Juvia, Levy and Gajeel, Jellal and Erza, Mira and Laxus, and Elfman and Evergreen. What's sad is that me and Natsu didn't leave together, I would have liked to have caught up to him after the party, but he was gone.

With my phone still in my hand, I turn in on, and walk to my dresser. Looking through my dresser for clothes, I glance at my phone to see no new messages. I toss it lightly at my bed, and resume my search through my dresser for clothes.

I shiver slightly as a cold gust of air blows through my apartment. I feel two warm arms wrap around my waist and I gasp.

I feel his hot breath on my neck as he says, "Hi Luce."

"Natsu." It wasn't a question, it was a statement that sounded like a choked whisper. "What are you doing here?" I ask, still in a choked whisper.

"I came to see you." He whispers in a deep husky voice that I have never heard before. His voice sends shivers down my spine.

Normally, I would be yelling at him for coming in my apartment while I was in a towel. But at that moment, that wasn't much of an issue.

I turn around to look at him and I see him standing there in his white dress shirt and slacks, both heavily wrinkled. His scarf sat in it's usual spot on his shoulders. He was eyeing me and I felt very self conscience.

"What are you doing here?" I ask again, my voice barely audible. He moves forward and grasps both of my arms, so that our faces were just centimeters apart.

"I just thought that you might want to see me. 'Cause I've been wanting to see you." His face moved closer to mine until our lips were a hair apart, then he whispers, "I have been wanting to do this for a while."

His lips touched mine and they weren't at all like they were at the party. They were hungry and desperate and demanding on my lips. I barely have time to think before he backs away and starts to study my face.

"What are you looking at?" I ask my face the shade of a tomato.

"Just how beautiful you are." He walks back up to me and enveloped me in a hug. "Meet me at the guild tomorrow, we have to talk." And with that he disappeared into the night.

I collapsed onto my bed to exhausted to get dressed. One question was running through my mind, What did he want to talk about?


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning mentally exhausted. There were questions pounding around in my head refusing to stop, I had to have them answered and as soon as possible. I force myself to get out of bed and get dressed.

Deciding that my stomach was too filled with butterflies, I skipped breakfast. I lock my door behind me as I step outside.

I glance in both directions down the street, the whole thing just looked empty. I shrug my shoulders and walk towards the edge of the river. I step up and wobble a little bit, trying to catch my balance. Once I'm sure of myself I walk along the edge to the guild.

I pull my phone out of my bag to check my messages. Nothing. I shouldn't be that surprised, most of the girls _did_ leave with a guy.

Now that I think about it, most people in the guild were with someone else last night. I wonder if it was just the party, or Juvia trying out another potion. If it was Juvia I'll have to pat her on the back because she did a good job.

"Be careful miss." I hear someone say behind me. I was surprised because the voice was right behind me, and not out on the water. My feet lose their grip in surprise, and I start to fall over the edge.

I hands grab my wrists and I look up to see a familiar pink-haired dragon slayer. He smiles at me and pulls me up into his arms. My face heats up and he lets me go, a little too fast if you ask me.

"So," I start to say, at a loss for words, "What did you want to talk about?" He cocks his head at me and stares with this confused look on his face.

"What do you mean?" He asked. He had no idea what I was talking about.

"Last night, you came to my house and said you wanted to talk at the guild today." He looked at me as if I were spouting nonsense.

"I don't remember any of that, Luce. Me and Cana had a drinking competition and I don't remember anything after that. Was it important?" He really didn't remember kissing me? I bite back the tears and shake my head no with a fake smile.

"You know Natsu, I think I'm going to go home. I don't feel that good." I try to keep the tears from bursting out.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to go with you?" He asks taking a step forward, a worried expression on his face.

"No, no. I'm good. I'll see you later." I turn around and walk away before he can say anything else.

Once I'm sure he can't see me anymore, I take off into a full sprint. I run until I can't feel my feet hitting the pavement. It helped block out some of the emotional pain I was feeling.

When I start to feel better, I start to head back to my house. When I reach the door I feel tears build up in the back of my throat. I practically fling my door open and run to my bed, which I fling myself onto. Once I'm sure Natsu isn't here, I let painful, horrible sobs out of my body.

How could he forget something so important? How can he not realize how much pain this is causing me? He is probably with Lisanna right now, but you know what? That's a lot better, because then I can try to forget him.

Try to forget the most wonderful man I have ever met. Who am I kidding? This is going to be horrible.

I fall into a dreamless sleep trying to forget Natsu.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up around three in the afternoon. Apparently mental exhaustion can make you physically tired too. My eyes burned from crying myself to sleep, and I had a pounding headache.

After laying in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like an hour, I dragged my body out of bed. I decided to change into pajamas and walked to my dresser. I found the biggest shirt I owned and put it over my head.

After changing clothes, I went into my bathroom in search of some pain reliever. I looked in the mirror after downing two pills and a tall glass of water.

I looked absolutely horrible, my blond hair was knotted and matted to my face. My eyes were puffy and pink from crying, I just looked like a mess.

I sighed and walked out of the bathroom, only to be blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the windows. I closed the shades, making my apartment pretty dark. I walked over to my bed and layed down.

As soon as I lay down my thoughts start to wander, and where to they wander? To the painful memories of this morning. Tears start falling down my face and before I know it, I'm full out sobbing.

I know that Natsu and me are still friends, because to him, the kisses never happened. Which also means, he could have mistaken me for someone else which was why he was kissing me in the first place. Or he could've not known what he was doing at all, the basic result of it all was that Natsu didn't have feelings for me.

Me and Natsu have been great friends for a few years now, and I can't believe he didn't notice my feelings. At first I tried to push them away, there was no way I could possibly have feelings for Natsu. But each time I saw him, my feelings grew until I knew it wasn't just attraction, it was love. I was in love with Natsu Dragneel and I am still in love with Natsu Dragneel.

So here I am, sobbing, because Natsu doesn't love me the way like I do. I don't know why I am so sad about it in the first place. I mean, I saw it coming, but I guess I always pictured us together.

At least him and Lisanna will get to be together now. She deserves him. I could tell by the way she looked at him that she likes him. She has always liked him since they were kids.

Against my own will my tears become more violent. I shouldn't be acting like this. It wasn't like he was even mine to begin with, Lisanna and him belong together. They should be together forever.

A solid pain shoots into my chest and I can't help my scream. I roll my body into a ball while the spasms rock my body. There was so much pain, why did there have to be so much pain? How was this fair? What happens if I see him and I just break down?

My sobs just seemed to be never-ending, like a thunderstorm. Just like thunderstorms, every so often my body would get a sudden spasm of immense pain. Is this what heartbreak felt like? If so, I never want to experience it again.

My sobs were stopped by a soft knock on the door followed by a small voice saying, "Lucy-sama, are you okay? It is Juvia." I sit up on the bed fast, hastily wiping away the tears with the backs of my hands.

'U-uh yeah Juvia, I'm coming." I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and jump up to my feet. I try my hardest to muster up a small smile - at least- as I walk to the door. I take a deep, but quiet, breath before I open the door.

I open the door up to reveal a semi-smiling Juvia with a semi-worried expression on her face. I start to say hello when she runs up and gives me a huge hug.

"What is wrong, Lucy-sama?" She asks me while her face was pressed against my shoulder.

"Noth-..." I start to say when she interrupts me with, "Don't lie to Juvia."

"W-what do you mean?" Could she see through me that easy?

"Juvia knows something is wrong, so just tell Juvia." She pulls away and puts both of her hands on my shoulders reassuringly. "Now," She starts, smiling at me, "Why don't you tell Juvia what is wrong?"

Juvia stared at me wide-eyed, her hands wrapped tightly around a mug of hot water and lemon.

"Natsu-sama said that?" She says with an exasperated/shocked tone. After inviting Juvia inside, I had filled her in on what had happened with Natsu during and after the party. She was and extremely good listener. She stared at me thoughtfully the entire time, her eyes going wide at some times, but she never interrupted me.

"Yeah," I say looking at my hands, "He said that."

"Juvia is so sorry!" She exclaimed. "Juvia wishes that Lucy-sama never had to go through that!" She was so loud and over-expressive, it was kind of awesome.

"Thanks Juvia." I say smiling at her.

"Well now what will Lucy-sama do?" Juvia asked. "It is quite clear that Lucy-sama is in love with Natsu-sama."

"I don't know Juvia. But you can't tell anyone I told you any of this. No one can know that I'm in love with Natsu, It would complicate things."

"Juvia's lips are sealed." Juvia said moving her fingers across her lips to prove she was, in fact, being quite literal.

"So, moving on from me," I say trying to change the subject, "How did things with you and Gray go?'

Her face turned bright red before she answered. "Let Juvia tell you all about it."


	4. Chapter 4

"Lucy,"

"Psst, Lucy."

I open my eyes slightly to see Natsu crouched in front of my bed, a lock of my hair between his fingers. He was aimlessly twisting it around his fingers as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

He looked just like regular Natsu, not caring how he looked at all.. The sun was coming in from the cracks in the curtains, the sunlight making his hazel eyes light up the shade of caramel. His clothes and hair were slightly askew as if he had just woken up and just came here. He was smiling that beautiful smile that made my heart contract every time I saw it.

"Lucy." He whispered softly again. "C'mon, get up." I yawn and move my arms so they cradle my head against my mattress. The sheets gathered around my shoulders when I moved my bare arms out from under them. My hair way splayed everywhere, like random little streaks of pale yellow on the white bed.

"Why don't you come lay down with me instead?" I ask sleepily. Natsu must've come in through the window because there was a soft breeze making his hair flutter lightly. He looked indecisive for a second before kicking his shoes off and climbing in next to me.

I scooted over to make room for him in my bed and he pulled the sheet up and slid into it right beside me. He rolled to his side and propped his head up on his elbow, looking down at me.

His eyes had a warm and lazy look to them, but their gaze held so much love I couldn't believe it was directed at me. On closer inspection, I realized that the melted caramel color had flecks of green in it. His eyes were, simply put, gorgeous.

I snuggled into his chest smelling his familiar smell of soap and warm fire. His whole body was warm as always, making my chest have this warm and light feeling. It was almost as if being enveloped by a heated blanket.

He wrapped his free arm around my waist and buried his face in my hair.

"God." He said quietly. "How do you always smell so good?" I giggled and pressed my ear to his chest listening for his heartbeat.

Natsu had began rubbing circles into the small of my back, sending internal shivers throughout my entire body. I smile up at him and he leans down to me. My lips parted automatically. I lay there for a second, waiting for his kiss, but when I open my eyes he's gone.

My body starts with a jerk, throwing me into a sitting position in my bed. My knees were up to my chest and I was breathing hard, trying to pull oxygen into my lungs. My whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat and I was shaking slightly.

I would have been crying if my eyes still had tears to shed. How does he does this to me? It wasn't even him that did it, it was a dream of him.

I glance over at my clock to see it was 3 AM. Juvia left after we talked for almost three hours. It was good to know that someone else knew what I was going through.

How am I going to even begin to handle being in the guild? I can't keep myself together just thinking about him, how will I hold when I really see him?

I knew love was supposed to hurt when it ended, but was it supposed to hurt this much when you didn't even have it to begin with?

I sigh and pull the sheets off my legs, since I'm awake might as well make the best of it. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stand up, stretching out my limbs that felt like never oiled rusty joints.

I padded over to the couch, where I sat down in front of it with my back leaning against it. I glance around the room, force of habit I guess, and then I stick my hand under the sofa. I feel around for a few seconds before pulling out a thick book bound with a strap of brown leather.

I inhale the smell of old paper and ink and for a second I remember the grand library at my father's house. Shaking my head as if to get rid of the thoughts, I untie the leather strap and open the book.

Everyone at the guild knew I was writing a book, however, they didn't know I actually had two. In this book was every memory from every second I had spent with Natsu. Sometimes I took it out and re-read all of the memories, each one filling me with a sense of happiness and warmth.

Maybe, just maybe, I thought, this might help me stop feeling sad about Natsu and to put all of the memories into a previous chapter and to start a new one. I glance down at the book and try to forget myself in memories.

 _December 8th, X784_

 _Trudging through the crowded streets of a small town named Midian, was none other than Natsu and I. He had dragged me to yet another surprise mission and I hadn't packed for the cold weather. I was shivering and Natsu was way ahead of me, I could hardly see him. I kept walking when a man, or woman I couldn't really see, bumped into me making me stumble. I would have fallen onto my hands and knees if Natsu wasn't there. He caught me around the stomach and hauled me to my feet. He looked me right in the eyes and grabbed my hand, intertwining his finger with mine. He told me to follow him and that we should stay together. He said he wanted to hurry and get there because Happy was already waiting. The cold must've been getting to him to because his cheeks were red. I could hardly concentrate because of how loud my heart was beating. After we rushed through the crowd we went into an inn, met Happy inside, and left to go sleep in our room._

I close the book shut when I realize there were tiny drops of water on the pages. I reached my fingers up to my face to realize I was crying. It was different from the sobs that had racked my body earlier, these were the quiet tears you cried when you had admitted to defeat.

It wasn't just the fact that Natsu didn't love me the way that I loved him, it was the fact that I would never get to feel the feelings that he makes me feel. I'll never get to be the one he comes home to, the shoulder I'll cry on, the hand I'll hold, it will never be his. I'll never get to be with the one person that makes me feel important and wanted. He makes me feel as though I am the only person, but he doesn't feel the same. It was just him being drunk.

What happens if I never get over it? I just lost the love of my life and it feels as if someone had reached in and was burning my heart from the outside in. It feels as if I'm-

"Whatchya doin' Lucy?" Asks a voice behind me. My heart stops beating in my chest. I couldn't see my face, but my eyes were most likely as big as saucers. I know this isn't a dream, no freaking way this is a dream. I don't want to turn around.

"Hello? Lucy? You in there?" I hear his footsteps move and before I blink he's standing in front of me. I can't process what was going on or the fact that I was crying, but more silent tears pour out of my eyes.

His expression immediately changes. "Hey, Luce, what's wrong?" I hastily use the sleeves of my sweatshirt to wipe the tears away.

"O-Oh it's nothing." I say my voice cracking.

"It's clearly not nothing." He says with a small smile. He sits down next to me and I scoot away from him slightly. A look of hurt flashes over his face.

I pull my knees to my chest and put my chin on my knees. I refuse to look at him, knowing that if I do, I'll cry again.

"You know." He whispers looking straight ahead of him, "You can tell me anything."

"There's nothing to tell." I say, my voice cracking again. It sounded like sandpaper, must be from all of the crying.

He looks over at me, his eyes full of so much sadness. Why was he sad all of a sudden? He was sitting cross legged leaning his back against the couch with me. His hands were in his lap and his hair was everywhere, I mean usually it was everywhere, but it was crazier than usual.

"Why weren't you at the guild today?" He was saying his words slowly, as if he was being really careful pacing himself for something.

"I-I wasn't feeling good." I look away knowing that if he looks at me, he'll know I'm lying. "Natsu, do you think you could leave? I still don't feel good." I don't hear his response because I bury my head in my arms and silently cry. I should've waited until he left, but I couldn't keep it in anymore.

I feel him pull me into his lap and he presses me to his shoulder. He rubs my back and whispers soothing words to me while I cry on his shoulder. I fall asleep thankful I got to use his shoulder to cry on, only if it was once.


End file.
